My life is the SHIT!

 

 

That sounds dramatic and grandiose. But it is the honest truth… in soooo many ways.

 

Let’s take the last few months as an example. My family and I were living in a remote part of upstate New York until the later part of June… shout out to our Potsdam community! Our 3-year military contract was up and it was time for us to move back to WA State. My husband had secured a job in the National Guard, or at least we hoped that is what had happened. You learn as a long-term military family to never really fully count on anything until you are there. Even then, no guarantees.

 

As for me, I had been working as the director of a college counseling center at a small private university. What an amazing opportunity that had been but that meant that there was also no job waiting for me back in WA. I have been a mental health counselor for more than 12 years with my latest endeavor including a private therapy practice prior to our move east. I could certainly do that again but a little voice in the back of my mind kept telling me to wait and see. Be patient. Don’t rush to make a plan. As it turns out, these are all things that are NOT in my comfort zone. I am a planner and a doer.

 

But, you know what else is not in my comfort zone? Covid-19. And good luck planning your life out in this mess! There are a lot of things that we just don’t get to choose. “Shit happens” as the popular bumper sticker reminds us.

 

 

But, I have never been one to be content hanging out in my own shit (more on that later)… so when life gives you lemons, it’s time for a margarita! Or… that may be limes… but then that really doesn’t work with the analogy. Anyway, moving on.

 

I watch the news on a limited basis. Frankly, it messes with my mental health and so I have to put limits on it. But, I prefer to be informed and aware. I also have a really strong sense of intuition. The handwriting has been on the wall with this coronavirus for me. Covid-19 is going to rock our world. And even though I am one of the most positive and optimistic people you might meet, I am also realistic. I am not an alarmist or doomsday-er but false optimism doesn’t help anyone. I have felt certain for quite some time that there was really no way in H-E-double-hockey-sticks that schools would be reopening in the Fall. The email from our new school district a few weeks ago informing us of either remote learning or online school fort his Fall only confirmed my earlier intuition.

 

So… I can do a cross-country move in the middle of a global pandemic, reestablish our lives in a new house, find new doctors, dentists, schools, and all the thousands of other details that come along with moving… but adding in a new job that I would have to do from home with 2 active boys doing remote learning was literally the straw breaking my camelback.  

 

Nope. Not gonna happen. Not gonna do it.

 

Speaking of camelback… I need to find mine. More on that later too.

 

And what about this remote learning? My kids had done the last 3+ months of the 2019 school year on a remote status and we had survived it. But there is more to our back-story that may help here.

 

While my kids may not represent “the norm," they are also not that atypical. I like to think of my oldest, who is now 13 years old, as the proverbial canary in the coal mine. A few years ago, we went through a pretty horrific period with his screen addiction. We first noticed problems when he was 8 years old. We were never big on small screens and tablets but I will own that it was nice to have some quiet time as adults with the kids occupied on screens, so we let them have an Xbox, PlayStation, and Wii. By age 11, we were in a full-blown nightmare complete with stealing, lying, sneaking, breaking and entering, stalking, therapy for him and me, and all the drama of a preteen boy with no emotional regulation. I became an IT prison warden in an attempt to still allow some access to technology but DAMN, these kids are good these days.

 

We have worked really hard to heal from that and I am proud and relieved to say that those memories almost feel like a distant bad dream. It meant that we didn’t have Internet to the house for a while. Let that sink in. No Internet. No TV. No video games. No smart phones… for anyone. We are not in that same place today but I will be damned if I am going back. And while my oldest is SOOOOO much better now, I can see some of those same signs in my youngest who just turned 9.

No, sir. We are NOT going there.

 

So now, we come back to present day and the idea that both of my kids should be doing all of their work on a tablet or laptop while we are quarantined in our house on top of each other.  I will need to become the prison warden again standing over shoulders and making sure that “school time” is not turning into “playing online games time.” This sounds like a recipe for aggravation and depression. And I can say that, because I remember the stress from last spring.

 

Ok. So, if…

 

1. I am not going to get a job while the kids will be required to be home all day, e’ery day. (Lord, help me.)

AND

2. The kids are not going to school for the foreseeable future.

AND

3. We are fortunate and frugal enough to be able to live off of one income.

AND

4. I am a glutton for a good challenge and adventure.

 

Then…

 

Welcome to homeschooling your children from the back of a Dodge Caravan by traveling the remote areas of our country and disperse camping along the way while dad stays home and holds down the fort. This is where my camelback reenters the story.

 

 

 

Seriously, WTF am I thinking? And… do I really have a choice? Of course I do! This is the point where I actually DO have a choice. And considering the alternatives, I would rather try this new life out.

Did I mention the emergency text message from the Guard saying there was a problem with my husband's paperwork that required a waiver to secure his position? We were in the middle of the Olympic National Park in a pretty remote area and were lucky to have received a cell signal for the 5 minutes that it took to have our financial security put back in limbo. It's all going to work out though. I think. (Insert uncomfortable laugh)

 

And this new life hasn’t been without its challenges already. Like remote toileting and showering. 2 out of the 3 adventurous spirits pictured above have already had the distinct pleasure of falling into their own poop out in the middle of the woods with only a travel shower to save their soul. Let’s just say that the one with the biggest smile was the only one exempt from that little learning experience. 

So, yes… my life really is the shit. In this case, quite literally. Honestly, it was karma. I couldn’t even be mad about it. That's what I get for laughing and teasing my son so much for his misfortune. Revenge is a dish best served cold, as they say. (Or fresh and warm in the middle of the woods with mosquitos swarming.)

 

Any who… with a start like this to our adventure, what could possibly go wrong? We will begin the homeschooling in September with a planned trip along the Lewis and Clark trail to South Dakota.

 

Pray for us. Wish us luck. Send help. And margaritas.