On my Own Again

All by myself. Don’t wanna be all by myself anymore.

 

Here I am. On my own again. I can’t say that I didn’t see it coming but even so, I didn’t ask for it. And I certainly don’t want it.  And yet, here I am.

 

I could take the easy way out and just find someone new. Quick and easy, no need to look too hard. Just find whoever is closest and available. Would they be good to me? Would they help me feel my best? Probably not. I have been down that road before. Desperation is never a good wingman.

 

And I have already waited this long… what’s it been? Almost 3 months already? Maybe I can just keep going. But I feel the need growing. I can SEE it every time I look in the mirror just staring back at me. I keep putting it off but I know I can’t wait much longer. I just don’t want to put myself back out there again. I don’t want to risk it. What if it all goes terribly wrong like it has before?

 

Can I really just do this on my own? Can I trust myself to know that I will be ok? Maybe I don’t need someone else after all. Or at least not for right now.  I mean, it would be nice to have someone again someday.

 

This pandemic has made so many things more difficult in my life, so why should this be any different?

 

Still… I miss her. Her laugh. Her stories. She always knew what to say and she was such an amazing listener. We talked for hours and never ran out of things to share. She never cared how I looked walking in the door, she was just happy to see me. And I always left feeling more beautiful. Sexier. Classier. Brand new.

 

I knew the move was coming and that I would have to say goodbye. I knew the day would come when our time together would end. Three years goes by fast.  But it didn’t make leaving any easier. Being on the other side of the country is just impossible. Some things you just can’t do through Zoom. Or you shouldn’t anyway.

 

Even so, I couldn’t help sending one last message this week:

 

Renee! I miss you. How are things in NY?  WA is good. Just starting to feel settled. Hey, this may be weird to ask but can you recommend any drugstore hair color? I am not up for finding a new stylist right now but my roots are starting to kill me. Every time I look in the mirror, I miss you even more!! Lol. I don’t want to go dark but it may be the best way to go for now. I wish you were here!!

 

Ok, Garnier Nutrisse Level 6 Light Golden Brown, Renee told me you were the one. I need your nourishing color crème to work some magic. You say long lasting luscious color? Well, bring it on. You say brown sugar? Then give it to me. Give me some sugar.